I've never responded to a meme before, but this one seemed kind of fun, in that middle school, MASH RAP kind of a way. I'm not entirely sure why the two things seem related, as this meme is clearly meant to describe the past, whereas MASH RAP is all about diving the future. Perhaps it is because both, ultimately, seem to be a tool for humorous self-effacement. Enjoy!
1. I can’t believe I’ve never… enjoyed basketball one iota. Except for that time that I tried out for the eighth-grade varsity team without ever having played before, just for the hell of it. And I even made a free throw on my first try during free-throw relays, thus sidestepping any rightful humiliation I could have claimed. Really, I’m just not that interested in watching it.
2. Every time I think about…I still cringe. Falling on my ass in a café in Nantes, right after silently congratulating myself for the savoir faire with which I’d ordered my cappuccino. (And for anyone thinking, “But what about that time you asked Aimee Bender to be your best friend?” - mostly I don’t cringe when I think about that, because no matter how humiliating it was, it was also devilishly funny).
3. I wish I'd...when I had the chance.. Taken college-level science courses.
4. I've never felt so out of place as when I... Met Dianne von Furstenberg. That woman and I are worlds apart, and I would say that the same goes for me and most of her admirers. It’s not that I don’t think she has done admirable things, I simply am not comfortable in the same room as her, her deeply expensive wardrobe, her life history as a princess, or the boredom with which she looked at me.
5. …is/are my guiltiest pleasure. Television. Absolutely. It relaxes me deeply, like drugs or hypnotism!
6. I hope…knows how grateful I am for… I hope my high school soccer teams know how grateful I am for teaching me what it feels like to be muscular and fit. Of course, they probably don’t, because I have repaid this fine favor with years of laziness.
7. In my darkest hours, I secretly blame…for my dysfunction. Indecisiveness.
8. …changed my life forever. Going to Russia. I feel like choosing my term of studying abroad for this question is a bit cheap, but it absolutely altered my outlook on the world. For two years after I left, my writing and my thoughts were saturated with St. Petersburg. I still have monthly dreams about going back.